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Rape: When a man is the victim

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Rape: When  a man is the victim

What seems normal to the ear is that ‘man rapes woman.’ But the absurd is the reverse. It is now, ‘woman rapes man!’ It seems that is becoming a trend, especially among higher institution students. They are now the daredevils; men fear and respect them. OLUWATOSIN OMONIYI explore stories of raped men

 

Joseph Ukachukwu was an innocent young boy of about 15. He had no knowledge what sex was about. A JSS 2, brilliant and sharp student exude innocence and promise of bright future to his parents. But his elder sister Kate, who was in SSS 3 had a friend Emilia, 18, who often teased the young man- Ukachukwu, about how good he looked. While Joseph laughed sheepishly in innocence, Emilia was really dreaming of having the poor boy in her arms, unknown to both Joseph and Kate. When Emilia one day invited Joseph to visit her home, it was with glee that the boy rushed off after school. Incidentally, that was a day, not even another soul was at home in Emilia’s house. After the initial welcome and light refreshment, Emilia took the boy to her room, where they sat on the bed. Joseph tells the story. “As we sat on the bed, she started touching me, telling me how handsome I was. From mere touching, she kissed me and told me to touch her breasts. Then, she pulled off her wrapper and pushed me down on the bed. I started shouting, telling her to leave me, even though my penis was erect. At that level, I considered it a great sin. When I shouted strongly, pushing her away, that was when she left me and said that I was a local boy.”
Joseph was lucky to escape the attack. Many other men were not.
“We are now constantly living in fear of them. If it is to come, rob and harass, it would be fine but they brutally rape almost to the point of death,” Dotun Aiyekotun, a bank official, told New Telegraph. He described his experience as terrible. It is a horrid feeling when your body betrays you, whether it’s impotence or the opposite. I did not want her, did not want that intimacy, it was a violation of my space, my person, my mind. It was a theft of my sperm; much like man-on-female rape is a theft of the woman’s precious sexuality. I strongly and repeatedly said ‘NO but she wouldn’t listen to me” She had chased me for two years but I didn’t give in to her because she didn’t qualify for the type of girl I could date. I also choose my friend and not the other way round. One evening, she barged into my room with three of her female friends and tied me to my bed. After ordering me at gunpoint to pull off my dress, then, she gave me a blowjob. Cool! Then, she got on top of me, even though I strongly, emphatically and repeatedly said ‘NO! STOP! No Please! She didn’t care and she did a good job with the restraints. She got on top of me and rode me until I climaxed against my will. I felt powerless and ashamed. After that, the ladies rubbed pepper on my penis, untied me and asked me to start dancing around the room. It was a real traumatic experience for me. Whenever I narrate the experience to close friends and relatives, they find it hard to believe and laugh it off. Honestly, if gender roles were reversed, it would’ve been taken more seriously.”
Olajuwon Kayode, (not real name) an undergraduate student, is indeed a handsome young man. Tall and lanky, he would definitely arrest ladies’ attention. According to him, some group of girls on campus deflowered him at the age of 22. The first week he gained admission into the Kwara Polytechnic, Ilorin, a young lady approached him and asked him out but he refused because he had heard stories about the ladies in that school. In his words, “one night, I just woke up to find a lady nibbling on my hairy chest. As I made to speak out, she covered my mouth with her palms and told me to sit back and quietly enjoy it. I got angry and thought I could use the man in me to push her off but as I made to push her, she slapped me hard on the face and said none of the men she slept with ever resisted her. I got angrier and slapped her thrice and even kicked her. That was my doom! She got up picked her phone and made some calls. Before I could reason out what she was doing, about eight ladies majestically walked in and asked me to lie down. I knew I could not resist these girls. I knelt down and started begging them, gave them the whole N60,000 with me. After much pleading, they agreed that only three of them would sleep with me instead of the whole nine ladies. The first lady removed my boxer pant, sucked my penis and nipples, there, the foolish thing rose up, betrayed me and she sat on my hard man. She then asked me to be jerking up and down. That was how the three ladies took their turn on me. The following day, I went to the police station to make report, the police officers asked me to go to the hospital to have my mental state examined. They laughed at me and asked me to leave the station.”
For Olutayo Matemi, his aunt was the culprit. For three weeks consecutively, she slept with him and threatened him not to tell anyone, else he would die. “After my second term holiday, my mother told me to go spend the vacation with her younger sister whom she believed was stricter and would not indulge me. I noticed that every morning when her husband had left for work, she would come to the bathroom or the room to look at how I was dressing. If I asked her why, she would simply say she wants to be sure that I know how to take care of myself until one morning, while taking my bath; she opened the bathroom door and put my penis into her mouth. I begged and cried but she shut me up. After that, she dragged me to the bedroom and completed the job. I could not look at her in the face throughout that day. The following day, she continued but this time, with a lot of struggle and slaps from her. After three days of fighting, I gave up the struggle and enjoyed it for three weeks but it was against my wish. Until my aunt died, I refused to set my eyes on her. Seven years after she passed away, I made bold to tell my mother. My mother was shocked and cried bitterly, after that, she took me to her my aunt graveside and cursed her. She asked me to curse her also, which I did.
For Ayo Adeobamide, it happened during the act with his senior girlfriend. Although, difficult to believe, it actually happened. “She started by trying to suffocate me during the sex exercise. She had me in a situation where I could not just overpower her, more because, I didn’t suspect she could do such a thing. When I tried to resist, she brought out a knife and promised to stab me. She just kept pounding me away at the other end while I started to suffocate properly. The physical pleasure remained intense while the mental trauma (which I didn’t understand the depth of for many days) was done. I was totally caught off guard and that changed me in that respect. I no longer feel comfortable when I’m alone with women.

The above stories sound unbelievable and incredible probably because it has always been a world of men versus women. It has always been men doing such acts to women. But the scenarios above simply buttress the age-long saying: “what a man can do, a woman can do better.”
However, experts differ on it and stressed that it is not possible, rather it is man that rapes woman!
Gbemisola Omoniyi, a Psychologist with the Federal neuropsychiatric hospital, Yaba, Lagos, said it’s not a straight forward issue. She said it is not really possible except there are psychological factors underneath. According to her, there must be process of stimulation, erection and penetration which is achievable with the man’s state of mind and consent to realise that.” It is actually man rapes woman and not the other way round.
Barrister Samuel Kargbo said the law does not contemplate the reversal role; hence no provision for such in law except on sexual perversion and that depends on the category. “She can sexually harass or intimidate but definitely not rape,” he said.

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