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In search of helping hands



In search of helping hands

There is hardship in the land. Yet, women appear to have the magic wand to deal with the situation. The men, however, seem to be cashing in, but timid in their approach. How is this playing out? Blessing Edet tells the story



Young men are now on the prowl for financially stable women to bear children for them. Unlike in the past when men didn’t mind about the status of the ladies, they are more concerned as the tide is swinging. Labour market used to be dominated by men but today, women are displacing men in what used to be a male dominated area.
In a chat with about 12 people, they believe that more ladies are getting employed in corporate organizations than men. This, on one hand, is a positive development for women rights and empowerment. On the other hand, there is a social disadvantage for both young men and women who want to start a family.
According to Tola Samuel, data analyst, traditionally and naturally, one of the major ways a man stamps his authority in the home is via his financial power. It means that for a young man to get married he needs to be gainfully employed.
Unfortunately, nowadays, he said youth’s unemployment rate is on the rise which would even make it more difficult for them to be assertive as responsible men and husbands.
According to New Telegraph’s findings, some group of unemployed men now go about looking for ladies who are gainfully employed and over ripe for marriage to impregnate. In most cases they do it with the consent of the ladies. This is common among men who are in their thirties that no longer have the patience to get a job before settling down. They are desperately in need of a child. Hence, they turn to a lady who is also in her thirties mostly late thirties and mid forties, and upwardly-mobile but not yet married and desperately in need of a child.
For Lekan Adetiba(not real name) a graduate security man, the lady must be financially buoyant, not necessarily a millionaire but enough income to take care of their child or children in some cases. “I am a 37 years old business administration graduate. I graduated seven years ago and still searching for a good job. I tried all I could to get a decent job, I even got trained by the side so as to be self employed but no financial assistance, no matter how small to start my business. So I took up this security job three years ago,” he said. Adetiba who earns N35,000 as his salary said he dare not dream of marriage yet, so he approached a lady whom he had studied for sometime in the place where he is the security man, certain that the lady had no man in her life. Luck smiled on him as the lady agreed to the arrangement. “She agreed to take care of the pregnancy till he would be ready for me. Once in a while, I support the up keep of the child- a baby girl,” he said.
Bello Lawal, told New Telegraph that he was pushed to the wall when he searched for a job for four years after his National Youth Service Corps (NYSC). “I searched for white collar jobs but to no avail. I studied Agriculture and tried getting loans from micro-finance banks to start my poultry or fish farm business but I didn’t get because I had nothing to use as collateral. I was 32 at the time and desperate and there was no sign that I would make it in life. I am someone who loves children and I thought about having my own someday.”
“Luckily for me I was introduced to Angela (not real name) who was also in need of a child as age was not on her side. Angela was 34 years old. I agreed because I was also in need of a child and knew that she was capable of taking care of our child because she had a lucrative business. We gave birth to a lovely girl.”
“We were not romantically attached at first but two years after our first child I was able to get some money to start my business. I started becoming more responsible for the child’s upkeep. One thing led to another and today, we are happily married with three kids. Honestly it isn’t something I was proud of as a man. I did it out of desperation.” He said
In a similar vein, Michael Esosa said, “If I see a rich lady who is in need of a child, I will readily impregnate her. I’m optimistic that one day, God will bless me but what if I’m close to 50 years of age by then? I need to get my life moving and one of the best ways is to have a child. This year I will be 33. My father had me when he was 27, so what am I waiting for? Job or no job, whether I am ready or not, I must have a child before I clock 35,” he said.
A Lagos based woman in her early 40’s who spoke on the condition of anonymity, saying that she has been involved in matchmaking for the past five years. In a telephone chat with New Telegraph, she said, “I hook up men and women who want children of their own but for one reason or the other they haven’t been able to get married. For the guys, they complain they want children but they have no money to settle down. For the ladies who are doing well financially, they complain that they have no man to call their own. In our world, men do the proposing but these women unfortunately meet the wrong type of men who only sleep with them, use them and leave under the guise of marriage.”
Asked if she is proud of what she does, she said, “I am providing service to people who need it. This isn’t prostitution in any form so I don’t feel guilty. In fact money isn’t exchanging hands here. I do it for free.”
New Telegraph gathered that this is becoming a common practice among the youth due to societal and family pressure. These people see their mates happily married and they also want to do same. Since one of the main reasons for marriage is procreation, they (men) don’t want to miss out in both ways. They are ready to impregnate any lady, who they know has the financial wherewithal to take care of their child without bothering them for financial assistance, hoping to make it later in life. That way, they ease the pressure and get fulfilled.

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