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Single and sworn to married men



Single and sworn to married men

He has a big grin and even a bigger bank account. His unusually long lashes for a man somehow still leaves him so masculine he does not need anything else to charm the pants off the girls. Oh, and does he get the pretty young things discarding everything but their birthday suits in the blink of an eye! Husky voice, a body-to-die for and cash flow that flows endlessly when he sets his eyes and loins on a woman makes everything work for good for all the women who love him. Wole, he loves the girls and they love him right back.

But he is married, taken, for 10 years now. He’s probably a player for life. Even if he wants to get born-again, these girls with hour-glass figures are a permanent stumbling block to Wole’s salvation. They are single and sworn to married men. It’s crazy the way they are not even ashamed to talk about it.

Indeed, if the married lovers don’t mind, they don’t mind flaunting them either. Did you sigh! I feel you, but that’s what our world has come to become. Single, beautiful eligible girls going after married men. It is not a totally new phenomenon, really. It’s the percentage of the occurrence that is worrying. Something that used to be discussed in hushed tones has now become a daylight conversation. In my time, it was called ‘Sugary’ or ‘Aristo’. I don’t even know what they call it these days. What’s more, the girls are doing it for more reasons than cash now. Trust the guys, like Wole, they are game, after all, isn’t it just easier to fall into temptation than resist it. The girls want it, what’s wrong with letting them have it.

There are not enough men to go round, are there? So, the guys have convinced themselves they are doing the female populace and indeed the world a favour by putting a smile on the girls’ faces. These are married men who walk both sides of the street without stumbling, professional philanderers. In times past, the women who date married men are considered victims. People see them as fools who are being used by the men who’d (or most likely) never marry them. These days, I’m sad to announce, the girls tell me they are the ones using the married men. Don’t gasp yet.

There’s more (and worse) to come. These girls tell me they are not victims because they know what they are doing. They know the scores. They have their relationships with married men all figured out. The philandering husbands don’t want to marry their sugar girls. The sugar girls don’t want to marry philanderers. I guess that is why this marriage subsector is booming and may continue to do so for a long time.

Sad but real. I won’t bore you with why married men stray. That you already know. The issue here is why are more beautiful girls dating and bedding married men, shamelessly too. ‘He’s a taken man’, I growled at Ngozi after her married lover who she calls ‘Baby’, so sexily had left. Ngozi growled back, ‘I don’t want to take him.’ So why are you guys in a relationship? ‘Simple’, Ngozi said, ‘he’s good for my career’. I got confused, considering that Ngozi is in the Banking industry while her ‘Baby Boo’ is a successful real estate business man. What’s the meeting point? “Dating a single man right now won’t work for me. He’d want plenty of attention. He’d sulk if I cancel a date or don’t show up on time for an outing.

He’d generally assume he’s God’s gift to me and I should be grateful he’s in my life. He would expect so much because he would think I expect an engagement ring. Just imagine the endless annoying insinuations if I have to work later or go to a staff retreat or conference. If I buy a new car or move to a better neighbourhood, it’d be because I want to show off or I’m dating the boss. “With a married man, the complications are almost non-existent. He has a wife to go home to, so he’s not monitoring my movement. He’d buy me a new car or support me to get a new apartment. We’d spend only quality time together instead of being joined at the hip. He expects good sex and I expect same.

Good for blood flow. All I need to do is keep him interested and satisfied for a few hours per week. The affair is not heading for the altar and we both know it. I won’t get pregnant and he won’t propose. “It’s a safe arrangement. When I’m where I want to be on my career ladder and I meet the right guy I want to settle down with, I will move on. Right now, I don’t need any man whinning at my long hours or breathing down my neck because I bought the dinner instead of cooking it”. You can gasp some move now. Can you beat this kind of bloodless cut, cold calculation? Is it too much education and sophistication or is this some kind of emotionless smartness? For Flaky, a heart broken too many times is the reason she’s ‘taking a break’. Yeah, she’s on break. From single and available men who only use and dump her when all she wanted was to be a good girl waiting to be made a wife and mother. “For now, I’m done with investing my emotions in men who only use my body and throw my heart to the dogs. With Mark, I have no expectations. So he can’t disap-point me.

I’m clear-eyed, clear-headed about what this is -honey moon without a wedding. He spoils me rotten and I give him the best time he’s ever had. I don’t nag. I don’t make demands he can’t afford. He thinks I’m at his beck and call but I’m de-stressing. I’m having fun after years of bad emotional investment in selfish users. What if she falls in love with Mark? “Not likely. He’s not available. He is actually devoted to his wife and children and does not pretend about it. In any case, I don’t want to be a second wife. At least, not yet. I might consider it seriously if I run into one more mean single guy. For now, I’m having the time of my life. I have peace. Mark has taken me to three different countries this year alone and I drive a brand new car”.

However, Laura seems to be one of those girls who were born mean and self-centered. She’s a 21-year old youth corper who simply loves the good life, the kind only an ‘aristo’ can give. She said dating a married man has no strings attached. With a body meant for a beauty queen -flat stomach, full firm breasts and hips that will leave a holy man missing his steps -Laura said she’s making the best of her looks before ‘one man comes to cage her in marriage’. You can gasp again! I did too when she threw that line – “I have dated an eligible bachelor before but he was obsessed, possessive and he beat me too”. My last boyfriend wanted non-stop sex and his sisters were mean. With my married lover, I don’t have to worry about in-laws. Only his friends know me and they wished they were in Otunba’s shoes.

I don’t have to put up with snide remarks from stupid sisters of a lousy unprotective boyfriend. “As for sex, Otunba is too old for a marathon, sometimes I see him once a week. Sometimes we don’t see for a whole month. Yet, he keeps the cash flowing. I’ll worry about tomorrow when it comes. For now, it’s fun time.” It’s all a sad commentary on all of us, this fun game, right? We are all culpable -parents, husbands, daughters, sons. We all must start to do better before everything decent gets guzzled by greed.

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