“When I told my friends about painful menstrual periods, one of them said if I had sexual intercourse with a man, the pain will go but I didn’t,’’ Ada Solomon, a 14-year old recluse student of a junior secondary school in Abuja, silently shares her standpoint.
In a related incident, another pupil, Sarah Audu recalls: “When I was nine years old, living with my father and my step-mother, I went to a nearby bush to urinate when I noticed some bloodstains in between my legs.
“I ran to tell my father that I had been injured, maybe with a stick while urinating, but my father exclaimed, telling me I have become a woman and my step-mother gave me a piece of cloth as sanitary pads.
“Because nobody has told me more about menstruation, later, when I was 12 years old, I was returning from school when a male classmate saw bloodstains on my uniform and he called my attention to it in the public; embarrassing me.
“Students made mockery of me that I have started doing funny things around and that was why bloodstains were on my uniform. I didn’t go to school for a week.’’
Audu’s experience is enough a reason why teenage girls ought to know much about sex education, their physical development inclusive.
Medical experts note that many girls will have irregular menstrual periods up to the first two years after the first one, known as menarche, because they are still growing.
According to them, a menstrual cycle is considered the time from the first day of bleeding one month to the first day of bleeding the following month — lasting between 21 days and 34 days.
They also observe that girls will begin to see changes to their bodies between the ages of eight years and 13 years, growing the breasts or breast buds.
Once the girls begin menstruation, they are subjected to some erroneous beliefs in some communities, resulting in keeping silence among some girls that experience the first menstruation and who seek wrong directives.
For instance, in Nepal, many women in their menstrual periods die from suffocation arising from smoke of fireworks they made while they sleep outside their homes to avoid cold.
The practice, called “chaupadi’’, is linked to Hindu beliefs around religious purity and the idea that menstruation is spiritually polluting.
Also, in some countries, a woman who is menstruating is advised to avoid temples, prayer rooms and, sometimes, kitchens.
Misconceptions such as you don’t cradle babies or you will cause them to get sick, you need to wash your sanitary pads before throwing them out to prevent ghosts from chasing you, are also rife in some climes.
Analysts note that in some rural communities in Nigeria, menstruation is often perceived as dirty and shameful.
In that case, men and women may maintain separate quarters while a woman is menstruating, while some women may not be able to wash their pads publicly or dispose of them for fear of being attacked by witchcraft activities that the communities have made them to believe.
Further to this, WaterAid Nigeria says the state of menstrual hygiene in schools shows that there exist many barriers for girls; the most glaring of all is the lack of water and sanitation in the schools.
It notes that in many of the schools, the girls miss school on the first day of the period because there are no hygiene facilities such as water, bathrooms or soap available for personal cleaning, while proper disposal of used sanitary pads is not as easy as it ought to be.
In an attempt to address some of the challenges associated with girls’ reproductive health, the United Nations Council on Human Rights passed a resolution, urging all countries to take decisive action to ensure that women and girls have universal access to information on menstrual products and facilities.
In accordance with this, Menstrual Hygiene Management (MHM) Champion Olufemi Aluko, calls for the need to push for concrete actions that could influence the perception of police makers on MHM.
He notes that students, who ought to be champions, have been quiet for so long while multitudes abstain from school and drop out of school due to lack of MHM facilities and stigma in the school environment.
“When you visit those rural communities and ask questions about education and MHM, you will then realise the burden of menstrual hygiene mismanagement and lack of awareness by parents and guardians,’’ he says
But Mr. Job Ominyi, Water, Sanitation and Hygiene (WASH) Officer of the United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF), says no fewer than 25 women have been trained in the production of re-usable sanitary pads to improve women and girls’ health in Malumfashi Local Government of Katsina State recently.
“This became necessary following the outcome of a research in 2015 among the three major ethnic groups and observing that there was poor knowledge, attitude and practice on MHM in parts of the country,’’ he says.
In her opinion, Mrs Christiana Oliko from the Federal Ministry of Women Affairs, Abuja, says institutionalising MHM into policies and programmes of government will change the narratives on poor menstrual health.
She observes that some countries have started to develop programmes and integrate menstrual hygiene management in their policies.
Beside this, Mr Daniel Iroegbu, Convener of “Period Matters Project’’, underscores the need for advocacy, capacity building and involvement of stakeholders to dispel the stereotype around menstruation and sexuality.
“The government, institutions and organisations should provide functional sanitary facilities — adequate water for wash-up and efficient waste disposal facility — in schools and workplaces to enable girls and young women to effectively manage their menstruation in privacy with respect and dignity,’’ he advises.
Observance of Menstrual Hygiene Day on every May 28, initiated in 2014 by a German based non-governmental organisation, WASH, symbolises the average length of the menstrual cycle –28 days — and May; the fifth month of the year, indicates the average days that menstruation can last.
In her advice, Dr Michelle Truong, Programme Associate, International Women’s Health Coalition prescribes enhancing access to high-quality comprehensive sexuality education for expanding girls’ knowledge of menstruation and their capacity to deal with it.
According to her, sexuality education that includes discussions of puberty and menstruation and that tackles gender issues will bring about what adolescent girls need to grow up in an environment where menstruation is seen as something healthy and normal.
• Kolade writes for News Agency of Nigeria (NAN)
War against rape, child molestation
- 54 NGOs storm Lagos, Abuja, Enugu, Maiduguri
The campaign to ensure child-safety and prevention of rape received a great boost in the past one week as no fewer than 54 non-governmental organisations stormed major state capitals across the country, pressing for concerted efforts to stop callous acts against them. Biyi Adegoroye reports
The Non- Governmental Organisations (NGOs) came from major parts of the country, but were united in one mission – ‘a movement against rape and pedophilia.’ Hence, their leadership donned various colours of shirts and carried placards with assorted inscriptions held rallies, lectures and open campaigns in Lagos, Abuja, Enugu and Maiduguri in a mass movement to drive home a point about the rampant nature of rape and pedophilia, warning against the damaging effects.
Recall that rape and child sexual molestations have been on the upward swing in recent times in Nigeria, as pupils, male and female have been victims at schools, churches, mosques as well as students in the higher institutions being sexually assaulted.
Five students of the University of Lagos are currently being prosecuted for attempted gang-rape a fellow student, while three students of Ondo State College of Health Technology, Akure were remanded in prison for rape of a fellow student. Perhaps, the most devastating was the arraignment and detention in prison of a soldier in Ondo State, Sunday Arowolo of the 32 Artillery Brigade of the Nigerian Army, for raping a student of the Adekunle Ajasin University, Akungba.
In a recent interview with New Telegraph, a Consultant Family and Sexual Assault Physician at the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital, (LASUTH), in Ikeja, Dr. Olajimi Sodipo said the Domestic Sexual Violence Response Team, has treated over 5,000 clients in the past six years and that was just scratching the surface because they attend to about 20 clients a week.
The movement, titled: “Rape: Which Way Out?” drew government’s attention to the disturbing menace and called for enforcement various laws against rape, child sexual abuse and molestations. It also enunciated what roles children, parents, teachers, care-givers and religious leaders can play in stemming the tide.
The colourful events held by the NGOs whose areas of specialization cut across health and advocacy, included talks in local dialects and English Language as well as presentations in the forms of dramas by children and adults to draw attention to the physical and emotional dangers associated with rape.
Some of the NGOs at the occasion were “My Child My Treasure Foundation, Clare Cares Foundation, Stop This Stigma Nigeria, Bimbo Odukoya Foundation and VGF Foundation. Others were Child and Impaired’s Advocates, (CIA), Mushin to the World, Macaulay Nkechi, Complete Care Foundation, Safe Child Today Officials, TrueA International Foundation Ecocheroes Foundation and NGO Network.”
According to Convener of the events, Jane Ugwumadu of Save the Child Mission, the event was designed to make a strong statement and to draw attention of the federal and state governments to the prevalence of rape and pedophilia with the view ridding the society of them. At the Lagos event which held at the Freedom Park, Ojota, the Ugwamadu said relevant laws against rape and sexual molestation should be more severe and there must be certainty of enforcement in order to serve as deterrent.
She said “Rape: Which Way Movement” (RWWM), is a 20,000people sensitization which involves various NGOs in Nigeria. “The aim of the sensitization is to enlighten the general public on various ways of protecting and ensuring the safety and well being of children/wards within their environment, due to the incessant increase of rape/sexual abuse and assault affecting the society at large.
“We also aim to inform and enlighten the general public on their right to report such cases and demand appropriate justice when it arises and ensure that the maximum punishment is dealt out to such paedophiles who makes our vulnerable children/ward scared and thereby threatened the peace and sanity of the society. This movement is for both young and old, survivors, concerned individuals, companies, government parastatals and others.”
Also, the President of My Child My Treasure Foundation, Mrs. Florence Chukwura lamented that whereas scores of laws exit in the nation’s statute books, many of these are not enforced. “The story in the media daily has been very disgusting. You hear and read about fathers raping and impregnating their teenage children and mothers concealing it to avoid stigma in the family or a kind of double tragedy where a father goes to prison while his daughter is put in family way.
“In many cases, they even forget the stigma, social and psychological, on the teenage child for life. It is even worse when lesson teachers, pastors and Islamic instructors take sexual advantage of little girls in their care. It is scary. Just where can one find trust and care for this little ones?”
Executive Secretary of Child Safety Advocates, (CIA), Barr. Sylvia Ogunfuyi, called for inter-ministerial collaboration among ministries of Health, Education, Justice and Social Development as well as international agencies to stem the dangerous tide. “The law enforcement agents, ministries and development partners should rally round government in this regard while families and other institutions play their parts.
“The law is clear on rape. Chapter 25 of the Criminal Law of Lagos State, 2015, Section 260 (1) says ‘Any man who has unlawful sexual intercourse with a woman or girl without her consent, commits the offence of rape and liable on conviction to imprisonment for life,” while attempted rape attracts 14 years in prison.
“The same is true of defilement, because the same law in Section 137 says ‘any person who has sexual intercourse with a child commits a felony and is liable on conviction to imprisonment for life,’ while indecent treatment of a child attracts seven years imprisonment.’”
According to her, while many states of the federation have criminalized these sexual offences and even domesticated the Child Rights Acts, the prevalence of these crimes in the face of these efforts has necessitated the need for concerted efforts, legal, administrative and educative to address the cancerous problem.
Ugwumadu commended participants in all parts of the country for the huge success of the campaign, stating that the feedback has been enormous. “Rape survivors are grateful for the campaign; families of rape victims as well as others crying in silence and children who were victims of sexual molestation were excited about the success of the event which they said will shift the narrative and add more impetus to stop rape and sexual molestation.”
Our son is dying slowly of malnutrition – Parents
This is definitely the most trying moments for parents of Hassan Muhammad in Wabu village Gamawa Local Governmnt Area of Bauchi state. They are desperately in need of help for their two-year-old son dying from acute malnutrition and cannot do anything about the illness.
Muhammed, according to his mother has been suffering for a long time of a yet to be diagnosed sickness. His father Rabo pleaded for urgent help from government, individual and corporate bodies to enable them find cure for his dying son. Rabo said there is nothing they could do to save the child but to watch on helplessly, which, is quite heart rending. He explained that his son was diagnosed of malnutrition at Wabu health care facility, but lamented that the sickness has persisted and is gradually killing his child, which made him more confused if it was really malnutrition or something else.
“He said, “we have been receiving treatment and attending the maternity without knowing the actual disease our child is suffering from. We have not been referred to another hospital from Wabu maternity for further treatment; and even if they refer us to another hospital, we cannot afford the treatment fees.”
The mother of the child, Hajia Aisha, said that their biggest concern was the inability of the health care facility to properly diagnose the ailment her son was suffering from, making him to be in critical situation of his life. Aisha said, “we are blind as far as his sickness is concern, we don’t know what really is his illness, and we cannot not do anything about it for now.”
Reacting to the predicament of the parents and their sick child, Hajiya Altine, the health personnel in-charge of Wabu maternity in Gamawa LGA of Bauchi state, said that even the mother of the sick baby lacked balanced diet that can translate into healthy breast milk to feed the twins, especially the one that is hit by the severe acute malnutrition. According to her, the child has been battling with diarrhea, malaria from birth and “a yet-to-be identified disease.
Hajiya Altine, who expressed concern over the health situation of the child, said that the poor financial status of the parents has also hindered them to transfer the case to another hospital. “Whenever we try asking them to go to general hospital for further checks, their response has always been, ‘we don’t have money to do that,” Altine explained.
When New Telegraph visited the child, he truly looked malnourished, in fact, looked lifeless! He couldn’t breath properly, couldn’t lift his hand or even try to move his body, he just laid down looking hazily at his parents and around him. According to the health personnel, they told New Telegraph that the child is suffering from Severe Acute Malnutrition ( SAM).
New Telegraph checks revealed that the out of stock of “Ready to Use Therapeutic Food ” (RUTF) used for the effective cure of SAM, being experienced in all the CMAM centers across the state may have aggravated the severity of little Hassan’s ailment.
Empowering women through Goats Breeding Scheme
Feelers from beneficiaries of the Jigawa Goats Breeding Micro Finance Scheme, showed that the programme initiated in 2015 is a success story. Governor Mohammad Badaru echoed it at a recent town hall meeting in Dutse.
He noted that the goats breeding scheme was the most successful micro-credit scheme in the state, with 92 per cent retention and 79 per cent repayment level.
Badaru said that the objective of the scheme was to diversify the economy and reduce poverty among women.
“Our state has one of the highest level of poverty, especially amongst women and this is something we must stop.
“The easiest and most effective way to alleviate poverty is through the goats multiplication programme which we borrowed from Bostwana and South Africa, where millions of women were removed out of poverty,” the governor said. Available records showed that through the programme, the state had so far empowered over 8,428 rural women with 25,284 goats.
Testimonies from the beneficiaries indicated that through the scheme, the women were “ largely removed from poverty line and their living conditions enhanced.
Aisha Musa, one of the beneficiaries in Dunari village of Mallammadori Local Government Area, said she realised 27 goats from the three goats given to her.
“ What I do now is buying and selling of goats. Whenever I sell, I buy small ones to replace.
“Through this scheme, I can comfortably buy clothes, food and others basic needs for myself and my children,” she said.
Another beneficiary, Sadiya Madu, said through the scheme, she performed her first Eid-el-Kabir sacrifice, an important religious obligation in Islam.
“I sacrificed one of my goats in 2018 Sallah. Before then, my husband only slaughtered chicken during Sallah because of financial problems.
“That is why I remain grateful to this government for supporting us with these goats,” she said.
A blind woman in Mallammadori town, Yagana Mohammad, said she was left with nine goats after she gave out three of the 12 goats she had to another woman as required.
“ Out of the nine goats, I have decided to give out one goat to my guide and another one to my grandson as gifts.
“ The two of them have been very helpful and nice to me, and that is why I have always prayed to God to give me the opportunity to pay them back,” she said.
Falmata Adamu, a widow in Guri town, said she reared seven goats to complement her farming activities.
She said: “My husband died and left me with a small farm in which I cultivate guinea corn. After I lost the entire crop to the 2018 devastating flood, I had only my goats to fall back on.
“Each time I need money, I will just sell one to meet my needs and replace it with a small one,” she said.
As a result of the success of the scheme, Jigawa Government plans to start the exportation of goats.
Alhaji Hamza Muhammad, Badaru’s Special Assistant on Community Service, said the state planned to start exporting goats to Saudi Arabia.
He also said that a committee had been set up to ensure that the goats’ loans were recovered and the multiplication output of the scheme marketed and sold at reasonable prices.
Muhammad said that each local government area received 660 goats which were distributed to 220 selected women, including the physically challenged.
The official said that each beneficiary received one he-goat and two she-goats, and was expected to pay back with three goats in 18 months, so that other women could benefit.
He said the state chose goats because of economic value of goats and simplicity to rear.
Muhammad said feeding the goats was not a problem to the women who were mostly rural dwellers as grasses were in abundance in their villages.
Alhaji Lai Mohammed, the former Minister of Information and Culture, who commented on the scheme, said it was a model for other states to copy.
He spoke in November 2017 when he visited Jigawa on an official visit.
He said: “It is a very good initiative because goats produce twice a year, and most goats give birth to two or three kids.
“So, this is a very good initiative and there is a need for other states to copy from Jigawa.”
• Nabilu Balarabe writes for the News Agency of Nigeria, NAN
Lagos committed to maternal, child mortality reduction, says Abayomi
Lagos State Commissioner for Health, Prof. Akin Abayomi has said that the continuous implementation of strategic maternal child survival interventions, policies, programmes and projects by the State Government is geared towards reduction of maternal and child mortality in Lagos State.
Abayomi who stated this, on Wednesday at an advocacy meeting with some stakeholders, community leaders and residents of Badore Community in Eti-Osa local government area of the State noted that local and national statistics of maternal and child mortality and morbidity rate were of utmost concern to the state government hence the adoption of various strategies to combat it. “One of these strategies is the construction of maternal and childcare centre (MCC); a specialized healthcare centre for mothers and children aimed at taking maternal and child health care closer to the people by reducing the travel time and improving the quality care to the highest possible standard,” the Commissioner said.
Aboyomi who was represented at the meeting by the Director of Projects in the Ministry of Health, Dr. Olusoga Oduwole noted that the State government as completed yet another MCC which is located on Ogombo Road along Abraham Adesanya Estate in Eti-Osa local government area as part of effort to increase access of residents of the area to qualitative and efficient maternal and child health services.
“The facility which will commence operation soon is a four-floor 110-bed complex designed to respond to maternal and child health issues by providing quality services for the restoration, improvement and promotion of the health and well-being of women, babies and children in the local government area and adjoining communities,” he said.
The Commissioner explained that the facility has two theatres where surgeries could be done, consulting rooms, treatment rooms, antenatal and post natal wards, baby nursery, pharmacy, laboratory, and offices amongst others.
Abayomi added that the construction of MCCs in Lagos State was designed to stem the tide of maternal deaths which occurs as a result of delivery by unskilled birth attendants, hemorrhage, infection, obstructed labour and malaria among others stressing that, women should not die in the course of life procreation process.
According to him, “the concept of the construction of maternal and childcare centres was mooted with the conviction that these interventions would impact positively on the health indices of our mothers and children who constitute a significant percentage of clients attended to at public health facilities.”
The Commissioner noted that the Eti-Osa MCC will commence operation before the end of the week and will serve as a referral centre to all primary health facilities in Eti-Osa local government and accompanying communities. He opined that the facility will yield the much desired and anticipated impact towards the reduction of maternal and child mortality in the area.
Ways to spice up sex in your marriage
When it comes to sex, even the most deeply committed and head-over-heels-in-love couples will likely go through periods when intimacy happens rarely or not at all. Usually, there’s an obvious and logical reason for this, the birth of a baby, say, or a financial setback that has both partners feeling stressed.
But a lack of physical closeness can put a significant strain on a relationship, so it’s important to prevent a temporary dry spell from reaching the level of a no-end-in-sight drought. Start by making sure the problem isn’t due to a physical issue (erectile dysfunction, say, or vaginal pain during intercourse); if that seems to be the case, the affected partner should see a doctor.
Is Sexual Intercourse Painful for You?
Pain during sexual intercourse may be a sign of vaginal infection, vaginal dryness, sexually transmitted disease…
Are You in a Sexless Marriage?
Physical intimacy is what makes a relationship more than just a platonic friendship. Low or no sex can be a majo…
Equally important, be sure you’re on the same page about climbing out of your intimacy rut; if you aren’t, you may want to see a sex therapist or couples counselor to figure out if there’s a relationship issue that needs to be resolved. This often can be done through therapy, stress-reduction techniques, or medication to treat an issue like depression or anxiety.
So, You Want to Be a Sex Therapist? Here’s What You Need to Know
Have you thought about becoming a sex therapist? Learn about the education and certification required and what c…
How Cognitive Behavior Therapy Works
Learn about cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), a type of short-term treatment that can be highly effective for ma…
What Is a Marriage and Family Therapist?
Marriage and family therapists focus on how family dynamics influence mental health. Learn more about how to bec…
But if both of you are functioning normally and both of you are unhappy about the downturn your sex life has taken, there are all sorts of things you can do together to spice things up. Here are some ideas that have worked for other couples who’ve found themselves in the same situation. Feel free to alter any that appeal to you to fit your own the sensibilities and lifestyle.
Do Something New
This could be just about anything you and/or your partner are curious about or have always wanted to experiment with. Try different positions or have sex somewhere other than your bedroom. It could your kitchen, the shower, the hammock in your backyard, the back seat of your car, or a hotel.
If your idea of experimentation means getting a little kinky, shop for some sex toys together in person or online, or play around with safe forms of bondage (blindfolds or handcuffs, for instance).
Also, consider non-sexual pursuits. Sometimes taking up a new hobby together can fuel a renewed interest in intimacy simply by breaking your daily routine and allowing you to have different kinds of experiences together.
Turn on With Porn
There’s plenty to choose from and much of it is geared toward monogamous couples both straight and gay. Watching an erotic film with your lover can help get you both into the mood in the moment. It also can be a terrific source of sexy ideas to try, so it may be worth a few solo sneak peeks if you’re looking for something new to surprise your partner with. You might also consider reading erotica to each other.
Use Your Words
Of course, this can mean talking dirty if either of you is so inclined and know that you’ll find it arousing to hear your loved one utter certain words or phrases during sex. But it also means speaking up about what feels good and what doesn’t. Women, in particular, can be shy about giving directions to a lover during sex.
At the same time, though, by not expressing how or where you want to be touched, for example, you not only cheat yourself of pleasure you also deprive your partner of the thrill of knowing that he or she has made you feel wonderful. If saying words is truly too difficult, then try physically directing your partner with your hands.
Put Sex on the Calendar
Spontaneity can be overrated. If you and your partner are always waiting around for the perfect moment or for the mood to strike, you may be waiting around a lot, so sit down together and figure out when you both have time for sex and write it into your calendar.
And don’t just choose a date and time—make more specific plans: Choose a place, a room, even a fantasy you might want to act out. By setting the stage as much as possible beforehand, you also seed anticipation that can blossom into full-on arousal by the time you come together.
Make the Most of Your Smart Phone
Your phone has the potential to be a thousand times more arousing than the techiest vibrator if you use it right. As long as you know your lover will be able to receive messages in private, start sending sexts and erotic photos of you or what you’d like to do with him or her when the two of you can be alone. And when that happens, turn off your devices so that you focus on turning each other on.
• culled from verywellhealth.com
Our society is full of untrained children – LG Chair
Parents have been urged on the need to build the right influence and good character in their children.
According to most of the speakers and panelists at the National Character Parenting Summit, parents have duty to nurture their children and help them to develop positive influence and good character.
The forum themed: ‘Parental Influence and Character Development: where to draw the line,’ was held in Lagos.
While challenging participants, comprising parents, teachers and school children, among others, Executive Chairman, Alimosho Local Government Area of Lagos State, Mr. Jelili Sulaimon, who stated that one of the major issues affecting the country was lack of good parenting.
He pointed out that most parents have neglected their responsibilities on their children as they took their businesses and careers more important.
As a result of this misplaced priority, he said the society was full of untrained children.
“No wonder we have children who have turned vagabonds and hoodlums in the society today,” he said. To correct this, the chairman reminded parents that they were care givers and not caretakers, saying that they have major obligations to nurture their children physically, spiritually, academically and mentally, being heritage of God.
Sulaimo challenged participants to rise to the occasion, while advising children to also listen to their parents’ instructions.
He lauded the Convener of the forum and Chief Executive Officer of 1st Royal Character and Values Limited, Mrs Bose Olusola -Obasa, for her doggedness.
Guest Speaker at the forum and former Commissioner of Work in Ogun State, Dr. (Mrs) Doyin Ogunbiyi, said that good parental influence and character development were imperative in bringing up a child, especially at the present dispensation of moral decadence in the society
According to her, integrity was essential in everything people do, adding that integrity would give someone good character.
She lamented that the trend in the society called for sobering reflection, recalling her youthful years, when mothers disciplined their wards. “Today’s mothers are sleeping on duty. They don’t discipline children again. This is wrong. “Then, mothers used to mold their children, unlike now when children are not being disciplined when they erred.”
Supporting her claims with the scripture, “spare the rod and spoil the child,” she said it was divined for parents to correct their wards.
Comparing modern day upbringing of children to her period, Ogunbiyi said it was unheard then that children talked back at their mothers.
According to her, some children were rebellious from birth, hence the importance of discipline.
She said: “Parents are careless nowadays as they encourage their children to misbehave.
The society is the way it is now as a result of inadequacy on the part of parents.
“Nowadays, children don’t challenge intellectually. What they know is about games, sex and fashion, etc.” The former commissioner of work in Ogun State, called on parents to build moral qualities in their children.
According to her, parents should follow God’s order, adding that they have a major role to play and that children have sub-major role to play also.
She stated that bringing up a child was a process and a duty, which every parent must not be sentimental about.
“We should be careful to monitor them; you must teach them how to be organised,” she said, adding that families determined the nation.
“Our mothers know what to do to mold a child. Mothers need to relate with their children well,” Ogunbiyi said.
On whether there is a line between parental influence and character development, a Character Coach and Pastor in Four Square Church, David Adegboyega, said that both were like pictures that control life.
Adegboyega, a panelist stated that influence was about one’s life character.
According to him, what children saw their parents doing and what was going on around them have a way on influencing and shaping their characters.
Director of Finance, Signal and System Limited, Mrs. Susan Tayo, said that a lot of ills in the society could be traced to parenting, noting that influence was like a lifestyle.
She said that three types of parenting existed namely : commandeering approach coaching and counselling, pointing out that a parents should know when to apply these approaches.
According to Tayo, control of a child should be reduced as he/she grows, enjoining parents to sit-up and be prepared to answer any question posed to them by their children.
Popular Anchor of Your Show on TVC, Mrs. Morayo Afolabi -Brown, pointed out that every single child was different, explaining that there were kinetic, audio and visual children To her, parents must understand their children and find the right parenting influence for them.
She said what she had noticed was that most parents were lazy when it came to seeking knowledge.
“Parents must learn how to respond to their teenagers,” she said.
Head, Department of Education, Alimosho Local Government Area, Lagos, Mrs. Olajumoke Akinyemi, bemoaned moral decadence in the society, noting that it started from homes. When talking about parental influence, she noted that children have a way of imitating their parents, calling on the latter to be of positive influence and character to their wards. She noted that most of the contemporary parents were not well parented.
Popular Actress and Managing Director, moEmerald Production Concept Limited, Mrs. Moyinoluwa Olutayo, differentiated between influence and control, adding that there should be a level of influence to be transferred to a child. She urged parents that it has become a must for them to have oversight functions over their children “Freedom has control. No matter the level of freedom a child wants, he or she needs control,” she said.
Akeredolu raises the alarm over rape of minor …leads sensitisation walk
Wife of the Ondo State Governor, Mrs Betty Anyanwu-Akeredolu has raised alarm over the high rate of defilement of minor and rape of women in the state.
Mrs. Akeredolu who led a walk against rape in Akure, the State capital also sent a distress call to all stake holders towards finding lasting solution to the worrisome cases of defilement and raping of minors which has become a reoccurring decimal in some part of the state.
She called for legislations that would ensure stiffer penalties for rapists, child abusers and predators. The walk which started at the palace of Deji of Akure, Oba Ogunlade Aladelusi Aladetoyinbo, terminated at Oke Eda area of the town. Similar walk against rape took place simultaneously in all other 17 local government areas of the state.
Mrs Akeredolu had chaired a stakeholders’ meeting where she frowned on subjecting minors to trauma in the hands of rapists and solutions were proffered on how rape could be nipped in the bud. At the stakeholders meeting were Non Governmental Organisations NGOs, Commissioners, officials of Ministry of Women Affairs, Ministry of justice, representative of Police force, representative of NSCDC, NDLEA, and chairpersons of 18 Local Government Areas of the State.
Her words: “The defilement of a-six year old girl at Ode-Irele and another seven years old at Owo area worrisome. I don’t have to keep quiet when I heard these cases; my heart was broken. We will break the bureaucratic bottle neck that has been responsible for the previous delay in such cases.”
“After today, men will not do such thing because we are set to ensure that we get to the root of the matter. People often say that ladies wear trousers and spaghetti dresses and that was the reasons they are being rapped. Would you say that these children of six and seven year put on trousers and spaghetti dresses? This is evil that we must fight to a standstill.”
During the walk against rape, the state Commissioner for Woman Affairs, Mrs. Titilayo Adeyemi, who represented the First Lady said that the women were in the palace to seek for monarch’s support and inform him that the menace has become worrisome to womenfolk.
“Kabiyesi, we are here to inform the palace that the issue of rape is a great concern to everybody. We are tired of it and we are here to solicit the help of the palace. When a minor is raped, it may cause premature death, sickness and trauma.
“There is high tendency for rape victims to develop unnecessary hatred to men, making such victims difficult to have good homes.”
She added that rape menace should be condemned by all and sundry, asking traditional institution to expose suspected rapists for proper punishment.
In his response, Oba Aladetoyinbo applauded Mrs Ayanwu-Akeredolu for taking the initiative to stop the menace of rape in the state. The monarch, who condemned the menace, advocated life punishment for rapists. He added that all morally, human beings should support the initiative and contribute to it.
Oba Aladetoyinbo asked the women to handover any suspect of rape to the palace for traditional oath-taking before being handed to police for legal action. According to him, the palace is in support of the initiative, saying the women should continue to protest until no rape case happens in the state.
The wife of the state Commissioner for Natural Resources, Mrs Aderoju Oluwatuyi said that the essence of the walk was to propagate against rape in the state. Mrs Oluwatuyi thanked the governor’s wife for her initiative to curb unnecessary sexual harassment to womenfolk in the state. She added that the trauma felt by rape victims, was killing, asking for stiffer punishment for rapists.
The Erelu Iyaloja of Akure Kingdom, Chief Mercy Adekanye tasked parents to train their and rise up to their responsibility. Buttressing the point of the First Lady, Ms.Tobiloba Fademi, Chief Press Secretary to the governor’s wife, said that rate of rape was becoming alarming in the state. According to her, parents should monitor and protect their children, tasking the society not to shield rape suspects but hand them to appropriate authorities. She added that more stringent measure against rapists, saying that only holistic approach would curb the menace.
Nigeria needs to pay special attention to widows, orphans – Foundation
The Chinwe Bode-Akinwande (CBA) Foundation, a non-governmental organisation, on Saturday 3 August 2019 empowered widows within Okun-Ilado community of Ibeju-Lekki, Lagos State.
The organisation rekindled hopes of hundreds of under-privileged widows, with business grants, food-items, clothing, scholarships for their children and free medical treatments.
According to the organisation, a day outreach supported by First Bank of Nigeria, was in commemoration of the 2019 United Nations’ International Widows’ Day.
Speaking at the event, the founder of the foundation, Mrs. Chinwe Bode-Akingbade, said that the gesture was imperative to assist the pitiable conditions of widows and less-privileged in the society as well as boosting their confidence.
“The foundation was established to alleviate sufferings and pains of the less-privileged, especially widows and their children in the society.
“I have friends who are victims and I can tell you, the dehumanisation and injustice meted to widows in the country is unimaginable, hence, I decided to contribute my little quota as a selfless act to alleviate their pains.
“As I speak, we currently have over 600 authentic widows on our profile, and the children of about 90 per cent of them have dropped out of school because of lack of funds. So, even if it’s the basic education we are able to give to them, they can build on it. We don’t want children who should be in schools to be on the streets because their mothers cannot afford school fees. Who knows if the future president is among them? Every child should have access to education and a good life and that is what CBA Foundation intends to achieve.
“To change our society and make the world a better place, we must love, give and share no matter how small.”
She further called on the government to implement and enforce the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act (VAPP) which has the protection of widows in the country, stressing that the government needs to create more awareness about the act for widows to know their rights and also for people to thread with caution.
The traditional ruler (Baale) of the Okun-Ilado community, Chief Ologbon Oladehinde Oloye, speaking with joy, noted that the gesture would go a long way in salvaging the wretched situation of widows in the community as poverty, hunger and malnutrition are a great threat to their livelihood.
“It’s rare to see kind hearted Nigerian these day want to help others and we are happy with what CBA has come to do for our women and children. Feeding, Education is key to every human live and we welcome anyone that desire to help our children get better education.”
Chief Oloye lamented the lack of work and negligence of government in the community. “Our major occupation here is fishing, to fishing this days is getting harder and harder, hence our people are suffering.
Thank God for NGOs like this that come once in a while to lend helping hands through basic materials and scholarships,” he said. Also speaking at the program, one of beneficiaries, Mrs Yaya Taiwo while expressing her gratitude to the foundation said she was overwhelmed by the gesture of the foundation as it has given her life a meaning.
‘Consider competent young women for appointive positions’
A Bauchi based Non-Governmental Organisation Leadtots Human Development Services, has lamented the non inclusion of young people and thirty five percent women in ministerial appointees by President Muhammadu Buhari.
This was contained in a Media statement signed and made available to newsmen by the Senior Program Officer, Leadtots Human Development Services, Seun Onarinde.
He said that there is no doubt that young people below the ages of 35 and women played a crucial role in the emergence of the elected officials in the last general elections in Nigeria, especially for the offices of the President, Governors and legislators and yet they have limited influence in national political institutions.
Onarinde said that: “The Nigerian youths seek more active involvement in the elected offices and increased number of youths occupying political offices, cabinet positions, political appointments and improved engagement in governance issues that affects the country.
“But it is quite unfortunate that young people and women were systemically eliminated out of the 43 Ministerial nominees of the President Muhammadu Buhari despite the relentless effort of the same group of people.”
He stated that the rising demand for increased youth participation in Nigeria’s political atmosphere has gone beyond mere engagement in political rallies and numbers during elections.
He recalled that in the 1970s and 80s National Leaders and Reformists like Shehu Shagari – Federal Legislator at 30, M.T. Mbu – Minister at 25, Richard Akinjide –
Minister of Education at 32, Maitama Sule – Oil Minister at 29, Yakubu Gowon – Head of State at 32 and many others, were produced.
He lamented that in Nigeria today, youth political participation is low compared to the past. “There is strong evidence that the participation of young people and women in formal, institutional political processes is relatively low when compared to older citizens and male counterparts in previous Political administrations in the State.
“This challenges the representativeness of the political system and leads to the disenfranchisement of young people and women,” he said.
He therefore, stressed that there is a need for political inclusion, to translate resources from young people and women’s strength, ideas, and aspiration into tangible wealth.
He pointed out that: “Indeed, this group of active Nigerian citizens makes the strongest physical investment during political activities but receive the least return on their faithful investments, their expectations of stable political and governance structures, improved economy and steady power supply has proved to be on a constant definite illusion.”
In search of independent women for dating
Dating is one of life’s rituals where high and low are rather the rule and not the exception and with the recent economic meltdown, young bachelors are no longer in search of liability in disguise as relationships. Women with financial independence have become hot cake and are in desperate search in the dating arena, Annette Amadi writes
Young men are now on the prowl for financially stable women to bear children for them. Unlike in the past when men didn’t mind about the status of the ladies, they are more concerned as the tide is swinging. Labour market used to be dominated by men but today, women are displacing men in what used to be a male dominated area.
In a chat with about 12 people, they believe that more ladies are getting employed in corporate organizations than men. This, on one hand, is a positive development for women rights and empowerment. On the other hand, there is a social disadvantage for both young men and women who want to start a family.
According to Tola Samuel, data analyst, traditionally and naturally, one of the major ways a man stamps his authority in the home is via his financial power. It means that for a young man to get married he needs to be gainfully employed.
Unfortunately, nowadays, he said youth’s unemployment rate is on the rise which would even make it more difficult for them to be assertive as responsible men and husbands.
According to New Telegraph’s findings, some group of unemployed men now go about looking for ladies who are gainfully employed and over ripe for marriage to impregnate. In most cases they do it with the consent of the ladies. This is common among men who are in their thirties that no longer have the patience to get a job before settling down. They are desperately in need of a child. Hence, they turn to a lady who is also in her thirties mostly late thirties and mid forties, and upwardly-mobile but not yet married and desperately in need of a child.
For Lekan Adetiba (not real name) a graduate security man, the lady must be financially buoyant, not necessarily a millionaire but enough income to take care of their child or children in some cases. “I am a 37 years old business administration graduate. I graduated seven years ago and still searching for a good job. I tried all I could to get a decent job, I even got trained by the side so as to be self employed but no financial assistance, no matter how small to start my business. So I took up this security job three years ago,” he said. Adetiba who earns N35,000 as his salary said he dare not dream of marriage yet, so he approached a lady whom he had studied for sometime in the place where he is the security man, certain that the lady had no man in her life. Luck smiled on him as the lady agreed to the arrangement. “She agreed to take care of the pregnancy till he would be ready for me. Once in a while, I support the up keep of the child- a baby girl,” he said.
Bello Lawal, told New Telegraph that he was pushed to the wall when he searched for a job for four years after his National Youth Service Corps (NYSC). “I searched for white collar jobs but to no avail. I studied Agriculture and tried getting loans from micro-finance banks to start my poultry or fish farm business but I didn’t get because I had nothing to use as collateral. I was 32 at the time and desperate and there was no sign that I would make it in life. I am someone who loves children and I thought about having my own someday.”
“Luckily for me I was introduced to Angela (not real name) who was also in need of a child as age was not on her side. Angela was 34 years old. I agreed because I was also in need of a child and knew that she was capable of taking care of our child because she had a lucrative business. We gave birth to a lovely girl.”
“We were not romantically attached at first but two years after our first child I was able to get some money to start my business. I started becoming more responsible for the child’s upkeep. One thing led to another and today, we are happily married with three kids. Honestly it isn’t something I was proud of as a man. I did it out of desperation.” He said
In a similar vein, Michael Esosa said, “If I see a rich lady who is in need of a child, I will readily impregnate her. I’m optimistic that one day, God will bless me but what if I’m close to 50 years of age by then? I need to get my life moving and one of the best ways is to have a child. This year I will be 33. My father had me when he was 27, so what am I waiting for? Job or no job, whether I am ready or not, I must have a child before I clock 35,” he said.
A Lagos based woman in her early 40’s who spoke on the condition of anonymity, saying that she has been involved in matchmaking for the past five years. In a telephone chat with New Telegraph, she said, “I hook up men and women who want children of their own but for one reason or the other they haven’t been able to get married. For the guys, they complain they want children but they have no money to settle down. For the ladies who are doing well financially, they complain that they have no man to call their own. In our world, men do the proposing but these women unfortunately meet the wrong type of men who only sleep with them, use them and leave under the guise of marriage.”
Asked if she is proud of what she does, she said, “I am providing service to people who need it. This isn’t prostitution in any form so I don’t feel guilty. In fact money isn’t exchanging hands here. I do it for free.”
New Telegraph gathered that this is becoming a common practice among the youth due to societal and family pressure. These people see their mates happily married and they also want to do same. Since one of the main reasons for marriage is procreation, they (men) don’t want to miss out in both ways. They are ready to impregnate any lady, who they know has the financial wherewithal to take care of their child without bothering them for financial assistance, hoping to make it later in life. That way, they ease the pressure and get fulfilled.
QUALITIES THAT MAKES SINGLE MOMS PREFERABLE
• A single mother does not have time to fight with you over any little issues. Single working class moms are quite the tiger, they juggle business, parenting and pleasure.
• Single working class moms do not pressure a man into marriage as her biological clock is not ticking and she is thinking as hard as she can to avoid the topic of having another baby soon.
• Single moms are always down to having good times, every opportunity they get away from their child or children is a no miss that makes them the best buddy for that big bash you are planning with your friends.
• Single working class mom would be said to have experienced life, made mistakes, laughed at herself, cried and must have picked herself up quite well. She is no longer a baby and so many things you as the man might do will no longer be new for her. No fear of pregnancy because she has passed the stage where she makes such mistakes getting pregnant unplanned.
• Single working class moms are considered preferable in relations because they have sense of responsibility.
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