Fertility: When desire turns sacrilegious

news item went viral on the Internet about a woman that was sent packing by her husband for proposing that she desires to sleep with his friend ostensibly to get pregnant. The news states that series of laboratory tests confirm that her husband has a low sperm count issue, which indicates that he can’t make his wife pregnant.

Perhaps because the man is a successful businessman who junkets around the world in pursuit of his business concerns, producing heirs to her husband’s empire becomes her desperate desire. Sensing that her man is not perturbed about their childless condition, she then sought his permission to have a sexual relationship with his friend so she could get pregnant. This, she assured her husband, won’t be known to the man (his friend) when she becomes an expectant mother.

The husband, in a furious reaction, sent his wife packing for having the audacity to even contemplate such an idea. He assumed that his wife is possibly dating his friend already, hence she now wants to ratify their ‘illicit affair’ by seeking his consent. She, however, has sworn that nothing of such exists between her and the said friend of her husband. It is a move she plans to initiate only after her husband has given his consent.

As at now, she’s still on her knees, begging for forgiveness. She’s not ready to lose her home. This is a case of genuine concern that’s wrongly conceived and that now backfires to her detriment. Here’s her account:

“I am now living with my relations at Ikorodu area of Lagos. I have been sending emissaries to my husband, begging for forgiveness over my proposal but he refused. My husband, Okey, is a businessman, who deals on different wares which he imports for distribution. He also has choice properties both in Lagos and the South-East but the major challenge has been our inability to make babies. We got married over eight years ago, since then, we have been childless. We have had both medical and spiritual examinations and prescriptions, yet, I’m still unable to become a mother.

“I’m worried about what will become my fate if I end up having no child for him. My husband said he’s tired of taking drugs, he then concentrated on travelling from one country to another for business transactions, yet, he refused to support the idea of adopting a baby. As a way of finding a solution to our problem, I proposed to him that I can sleep with his friend and he (friend) would not know when I become pregnant as a result. Unfortunately, my husband suspected that for me to suggest his friend, it means I have been sleeping with his friend and merely wanted his consent to validate our illicit affair; he then decided to send me away.”

Naturally, no sane person will endorse her move. Her desperation to approach her husband with such a bad proposal proves she’s either desperate or flagrantly audacious. I see two reasons for her action: one, she covets her husband’s wealth by strategizing to corner everything through having heirs apparent for the man. Two, she’s desperate and dauntless to achieve her goal by whatever means humanly possible. Any woman that possesses these traits cannot be trusted.

I want to acknowledge that being childless in Africa, especially in tribes from the southern part of Nigeria, could be harrowing. It is not impossible that she must have been threatened, harassed and intimidated by her in-laws. She could be privy to clandestine moves by her in-laws to arrange another woman for her husband as it is usually assumed that childlessness has a lot, if not everything, to do with the woman. Thank God for laboratory tests that have saved several women from wrong accusations.

There are several homes where the children do not belong to the men they grew up to know as their biological fathers. Some months ago, I treated the issue of DNA where findings show that almost 40 per cent of Nigerian men are not the real biological fathers of their children. Mothers could sometimes be sly, deceptive and treacherous. Underrating the strength and extent a woman could go in achieving her hidden agenda is unthinkable. That’s why Yoruba elders are fond of saying only women could say who the real fathers of her children are.

I see beyond the case of desperation and greed in this matter; it also brings to the fore the often ignored but serious case of infertility in marriage. It is uncharitable to always find women guilty of situations like this most of the time. Regardless of the medical condition of the man, it is very convenient to dress the woman in a borrowed robe just to make the man feel good. Men, like in this case, should be made to admit their own failure as being responsible for fertility.

I know a public figure whose last two children belong to her late mentor. Her husband has a severe case of low sperm count. Whether it was a pact between the couple or not, I don’t know but he (husband) knows he can’t get his pretty wife pregnant. Series of lab tests at different locations confirmed the same results. As you read this article, they’re still maintaining a ‘happy’ home.

Causes of oligospermia (low sperm count) varies in individuals. According to medical findings, four sources are mostly responsible for oligospermia. They include: a swelling of the veins that drain the testicle; infection that interferes with sperm production or sperm health; and ejaculation problems such as retrograde ejaculation (ejaculation backward into the bladder). Likewise, certain medications can also be responsible. At a later date, I will dissect this topic in details.

However, having oligospermia decreases the chances that a sperm will find and fertilize an egg, it does not completely rule out the possibility of conceiving naturally. Many men with oligospermia are able to father a child. With the help of sexual and reproductive health experts, helps do increase the chances of achieving a pregnancy. However, in acute circumstances, it may require a longer time for improvement.

While Linda, the woman in the story, should be reprimanded for her sacrilegious move, her husband, Okey, should admit his own need for help and be willing to treat himself all over again so he can become a father. I will appeal to him to forgive his wife if she genuinely repents, knowing that he’s the reason for her predicament.

Merry Christmas in advance, folks!

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