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Grooming, values as panacea for rape, incest

The alarming and dehumanizing incidence of rape is indicating that our society is fast losing its moral and cultural values. It portrays us as grossly incapacitated to deal with the scourge. It is the height of a society in moral decadence and summersaults.
The development is a by-product of parental failure to properly groom their children, sons in particular, and spiritual ostentation that breeds compromised followership as well as decline in human dignity and societal values. There are two cardinal approaches to deal with the evil of rape; they are spiritual renaissance steeped in values cultivated from homes and through all institutions of learning. Also, by promoting virtues that would make improved difference in the lifestyle of our children.

These will go a long way in reshaping their mindset for responsible and decent adulthood. In July, 2017, I was a guest speaker at a family retreat where thorny relationship issues were discussed. I told the gathering that parents should start focusing on their sons for proper grooming.

A well-groomed boy will grow up to become a responsible man in the society, loving husband to his wife and caring dad to his children. Even in moments of provocation, he will have the maturity to control his fury and manage or endure the stormy moment. While I insist that men should exercise maximum restraints in moments of provocation or serious dispute to avoid physical assaults, it will be unkind to always blame the men for every act of domestic violence. Some cantankerous women are worse than demons at home. They do assault their men and provoke them beyond verbal assaults by first hurling punches or embark on wanton destruction of valuable items at home.
I do counsel men to take a walk from the scene to allow the tension to ease off. I firmly believe that under no circumstance should a man raise his fingers against his wife. There are other measures to deal with such rancorous tendencies. What I’m explaining here is that there are ill-tempered women that can make their husbands misbehave.

Therefore, grooming and taming behavioural excesses of our boys and girls are pivotal to secured future, healthy relationship and orderly society. My observation is that acrimonious family life and abusive relationship have a lot to do with how the couples involved are raised from their respective homes. It is cheaply convenient to blame women for most of the problems in their marriages, I believe that a poorly nurtured man will mess up his good wife until he encounters God and becomes a changed person.

Likewise, products of polygamous homes that suffered parental neglect, abuse, injustice and denial of equal rights, privileges and opportunities may turn out to be hard, harsh, intemperate and uncaring later. They become susceptible to moral vices like truancy, incest, hard drugs and rape et al. This is as a result of growing up with distorted mindset about family life.

A lot has been said and written about rape. Graphic data are available online for update on the scourge but the frightening dimension of rape cases in Nigeria propels the need to unravel the root causes and proffer possible solutions. For instance, it was widely reported in the media that in Anambra State, many fathers raped their daughters during the lockdown. According to the report, no fewer than 80 rape cases were recorded in various parts of Anambra State during the COVID-19 lockdown between April and May.

The Director of Child Welfare Services in the state Ministry of Women’s Affairs, Children and Social Welfare, Mrs. Nkechi Anazodo, disclosed this bizarre information last week during the United Nations Children’s Fund supported launch of integrated child protection community sensitisation campaign. According to her, there were only 32 cases of rape in her ministry before the lockdown. She added that the upsurge had necessitated the need for the 10-day state-wide campaign in the 21 local government areas of the state.

“Sexual violence has become the order of the day, especially during this period of lockdown. The most worrisome is that some fathers raped their daughters more during the lockdown. In most cases, fathers who rape their daughters threaten to kill them if they report.

The problem, therefore, is that many people don’t report these cases because they feel that the victim might be stigmatized,” she lamented. Going by this odd development, this is certainly not limited to Anambra State alone.

It is widespread though largely unreported for fear of backlash and stigmatization. Again, it is believed that the cases are far higher than the reported number. This trend goes to show that this “pandemic” is no longer limited to single men or young boys as married men and fathers are shamefully involved. So sad! There were reported cases of aged women being raped, some even to death. Grandmothers in their 70s and 80s have become soft targets for rampaging rapists who are mostly irate youths.

In-between, there are cases of incestuous rape where children and grandchildren now rape their moms and grand moms. In ‘retaliation’ somewhat, fathers also turn acrobatic in bed with their daughters both minor and adults!

What a tragedy! This rape ‘pandemic’ is so virulent that toddlers are not spared! I bled in my spirit to watch the 15 seconds video of the tearfully raped eight-month old baby girl (now late) while her badly bruised vulva was being examined in the hospital. Like I noted penultimate week, rape is an act of insanity. I couldn’t align with any justifiable reasoning that rape is excusable. Even incest is a function of mental malady. Otherwise, how do we explain a man sleeping with his own sister or a father sexually involved with his own daughter, much less a son forcefully hack down his mom in bed for sex? It is a mockery of morality.

Some of the adduced causes of rape, according to clinical findings, security reports, human postulations and confessions of some apprehended rapists include: mental imbalance, cultism, inordinate erotic passion, spell or enchantment invocation, believing that the victim won’t be bold enough to cry out for fear of shame and stigma, set-up by angry exlovers or jealous friends, boastful sexual purity by the victim of being a virgin or chaste, when the victim dares the rapist, desperate response to infatuation or untamed urge, and fetish or ritual purposes. For example, initiation into some cult groups, rituals for quick money, power, fame, political and criminal activities, according to local sources and confessions of some rapists require sexual intercourse with minors, virgins, old women and blood relations. That is why some cases of incest and rape are believed to be for fetish or ritual purposes especially where minors are the victims.

While the girls are work in progress, parents should also focus on proper grooming of the boys to become responsible, disciplined and decent men that will lead happy homes and orderly society where godly ethos, moral values and human virtues will thrive. Spiritual leaders should co-operate with parents to fight against the scourge. Rape is an offence against humanity and it must be summarily punished. Speedy but diligent trial should be accorded rape cases with stiffer sanctions slammed on the culprits. Stay safe and Say No to Rape!

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