‘On Val Day, my hope crashed!’

Today is St. Valentine’s Day. It is a day dedicated to lovers globally to celebrate themselves and their relationships. It is an annual event where many single adults mingle for new dates while the married would renew their marital affection. Last Monday, a reader of this column called me and we spoke for 42 minutes. She narrated how her beautiful relationship crashed on 2019 Valentine’s Day. Her disappointment almost led her into depression. According to her, her parents engaged a psychiatrist to attend to her at home until she regained her sanity. Since then, the 30-year-old graduate of International Relations refused to give love a chance. After our warm but candid discussion, she promised to give love a chance again but this time around, through a trusted means like matchmaking. Here’s her story. Please read on:


I met this handsome dude at a birthday hangout sometimes in 2017. Initially I thought it was going to be a mere ‘peck and go’ affair but his commitment and reassuring words ultimately changed my mind. By August 2018, we went out of the country on a two-week vacation. That was my first trip outside the country and he further raised my hope beyond doubt. By the time we came back to Nigeria, he formally proposed to marry me. I wasn’t really enthused by the proposal because he had taken the relationship to the upper level over the months.


He got along nicely with my dad. I guessed my dad liked him so much for two major reasons: one, my fiancé is a shrewd businessman, focused and serious-minded guy who did not have time for frivolities. Two, both of them are loyal fans of the same European football club. Each visit to our family was usually fun especially on a day their team was playing a match. I got used to him so much that his proposal became a mere formality.


Going forward, later in 2018, my guy came up on the need to wed before the year ended. I wasn’t really fascinated still because we were already living as if we were married. He proposed a date and we approached our parents on the possibility of making it a reality. While my parents accepted and started making arrangements towards the ceremony, his parents differed. They wanted a shift because of a family event that was already slated for that same month. Eventually, a date in December was agreed on.


We went ahead making preparations and as we were about sharing our invitation cards he dropped a shocker, “We have to shift the date again to next year!” His major reason was based on financial expectation which failed to materialize on a deadline he set for himself. Nobody begrudged him for that being the man in charge. December 23, 2018, he came to announce a rescheduled date to my parents and they accepted it whole heartedly. They prayed for him and assured him of their unflinching support in every area of his need.


I have been noticing a change of attitude in my man since he changed the date. I told my dad being his friend but he allayed my fear by saying: “When a man faces financial challenges, he loses his composure. Some men could be irrational, angry and lose focus when things are not working out for them especially in their businesses. Just be calm with him. I was once like that. He will overcome the situation, be patient and pray for him.”


January 5, 2019, he invited me over to his place for a talk. He made me realize that the date he announced in December 23 will be confirmed by the end of next month, February. He concluded his statement by saying we should halt further preparations until he confirms the date. The meeting ended on a sour note because I told him plainly that I noticed that he had changed in attitude and countenance. “If you are no longer interested, please let me know. Don’t waste my time by keeping me waiting longer than necessary. I’m not comfortable with the turn of event in the recent months. Please search your mind and decide what you want,” that was why I left his place dejected.


Since then, our communication became fitful, inconsistent and less fascinating. Still, I held on to his promise that all will be well. My Pastor assured me that the will of God will prevail. I met a marriage counsellor who told me how to respond to the situation. When I read one of your (Michael West’s) articles where you alluded to the fact that it is not all challenges militating against relationships that has to do with character flaws or selfish propensity. There’s spiritual dimension to some of the problems. Based on this, I resorted to intensive prayers and fasting.


With this mindset, I didn’t hold anything against him because I believe it was a spiritual attack against our proposed union. February 14, 2019 Valentine Day was rather unfortunate one for me. I bought some gift items: a wristwatch, a set of under-wears, two designer shirts, two customized polo-shirt, two bottles of perfumes and a big cake. I drove to his place in the evening to present him the items only to meet the most unpleasant surprise of my life. I met another woman in his apartment, cooking and looking relaxed. He wasn’t pretending that the woman was his girlfriend.


After presenting the gifts to him, he introduced me to the lady as his “friend.” That was the last I heard until I woke up in a nearby hospital hours later. Unfortunately, that was the end of our sweet relationship. As I write this letter, I refuse to give attention to any man. I’m back to square one. I’m back to the marketing, single but refuse to search.

Michael West, I chose to share my experience through this narrative as I want to use this year’s Valentine’s Day to give love a chance again. I’m trusting that a more reliable, responsible and God-fearing man will come my way.

There are hangouts and events packaged for today’s Val all around the town. Take advantage of this season by attending anyone nearby.

Happy Val to you all.

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